The Letter
by DracoxHermion3
Summary: Two years after the day her life changed once again, two years since he died, two years since she has been alone. Now, on a special Christmas Day and a visit to a Graveyard, a letter is delivered to her, and finally, after so long, she learns something about someone who she thought was lost to the world forever.


_It's funny how you say you can love somebody but you don't really know. It's funny how such a word exists for something you can't even show. But maybe you can and I just couldn't figure out how. Maybe love isn't as confusing as I made it. And maybe, just maybe, I loved you. I loved you more than an ocean needs water to fill its depth. I loved you more than a human needs oxygen. I loved you so much that maybe I didn't love you at all. I sometimes write poems, and when I read them later, I realize they were about you. I sometimes look at the sky, and when I feel happy seeing a flock of geese or a bright red cardinal, I think of the elation and power and happiness you bring to me._

 _I sometimes do the craziest shit, but I always wish you were there to see. I sometimes lie down in the river behind the school in the spring, and while my blood cools under the pulsating light through the trees, in a place where wind has more force and penetration, I allow your being to enter my mind, and I let it seep out into the river. It travels through the water and towards the banks, and it is now embedded in trees and grass and flowers. For me you were my dream girl. The last piece to the puzzle I have been trying to finish my whole life. Sometime I feel sad that you are not by my side but then filled with happiness to have you in my imagination. Someday we will meet again and I'll tell you everything which my heart feels for you, in person, and not on parchment. I laugh sometimes at myself when I think of all the shit I put you through. From Hogwarts and even after that. From the second I saw your bushy head and know-it-all self, from that first entrance into Hogwarts with Potter and Weasely by your side- that you were beyond me. That even for a Muggle-born you would blow me out of the waters. But even though I saw you as the only sliver of light in my darkness, I knew you could never be mine._

 _I'm sorry for all the things I ever said, for all of the things I ever did, would have done, and tried to do. I'm sorry I made your life utter hell at a time that you should have enjoyed. I'm sorry for being me. For being the reason of your suffering. For being the reason you laid bloody and tortured upon my living room floor. For being the reason I let it happen to you. For being the reason you never got to see just how special, talented, and beautiful you really are. I'm sorry for being the reason of your tears and your pains. For being the reason you would cry yourself to sleep every time we fought. Yes, I know. You're wondering how I could possibly know that, but did you really thing that I was so daft? So cruel? I can see your face right now, scrunched up with a confused brow, but a small smile and tearful eyes gracing your features. You are so beautiful. So, so, beautiful. And please, promise my damned soul that you will never think otherwise, because if you do I'll know, and I will find you and tickle you to death, while caressing those beautiful curls of yours and whispering sweet nothings into your ears. Hah. If only we could. If only things were so simple and I didn't always fuck things over. If only I wasn't how I am. If only I just told you that I loved you when I had the chance._

 _The first time I met you my stomach was lifted into my throat by one million butterflies and I nearly lost my shit. You caught me joking about what I would do to you if I got you alone and you laughed. I caught you watching me and laughed as well. That smile, I wanted to suck the enamel off your teeth some late night as we watched the city come alive. I want to watch the sunrise from balconies with you after a night spent discussing politics. I want to get under your skin. I want to listen and absorb your ideas and ideals. I want to study the geography of your body. I want to start a revolution with you. I wanted to write secret notes on your back as you slept next to me. But what I really want is to tell you that regardless of everything, I love you. Even if you never love me back, I love you. I hope that when you're lying in bed at night after a day of hard work, watching terrible Muggle TV (that even you got me obsessed with), and drinking a goblet of Butterbeer, that you don't feel alone. I love you. No matter if you are mine or not, I still love you._

 _I try to forget your name, forget your face, forget your laugh, forget your sound, forget your jokes, forget your advice, forget your care, forget your love, and even try to forget you completely. But after all it's like I forget myself instead. What shall I do without you? You are my everything and I put all my hope in you. Please come again and hug me tightly, then I never allow you to go away. But I did. I did. I did. And I hated myself every day. Every single day of my bloody life. Sometimes I thought…I thought it was better to push you away. Not because I stopped loving you, but because I tried to shield myself from pain, because I tried to shield you from pain. It's hard to hold you back after you left me alone, after we left each other. But even after you left me, my heart always followed yours. And the farther you got away from me, the more I realized how many mistakes I made. From everything since 'Mudblood' to the torture, and everything in between. Merlin, I am such a git. Such a slimy, ferrety git._

 _These past years have been the happiest and fullest of my life._ _My world is a beautiful place because of you…because of this love (or whatever it was, I'm still not sure if you reciprocated my feelings) that you had given me._ _Thank you for sharing with me your positive outlook on life. When I grew panicky and full of anxiety, you calmed and soothed me. When I felt that things are bigger than I am, you were always there, holding my hand, showing me that together we can handle anything in our path._ _Thank you for the security that you offer me. Your stable, calm nature brings precious peace to my world. Few things feel better than falling asleep at night, knowing that you are always there for me._ _Thank you for your sense of humor. So often, I grew focused on the bumps in the road. I love that you tell me jokes that are so long that it takes you weeks to get to the punchline, because by the time you're done, I can't remember what was even plaguing me in the first place._ _Thank you for remaining endlessly patient with me, I am indeed a work in progress. I appreciate your ability to look at me and know that although I am imperfect, my strengths outnumber my weaknesses._ _Thank you for truly loving me unconditionally. The knowledge that even when I stumbled and fell, you were there to pick me up, brush me off, and hold me close, is undoubtedly one of the loveliest gifts ever given to me._ _Thank you for supporting me and pushing me further than I think I can possibly go. I suspect that even if I thank you every day for the rest of my life, I will never be able to adequately express my gratitude to you for helping me to become a better person. You were patient with me and you were so incredibly wise. Thank you for being you and thank you for the gift of your love, even if you thought you were just my friend. Because to me, you were so much more Hermione._

 _As I feel you around and miss your smell. As I rest my head and turn around. All I Feel is you. All I see is you. I know that the end is near. I know I am not there to wipe your tears. My heart feels your pain. Though I am not near. I still feel you beside me. The times I break inside me. I feel your hand right next to my cheeks._

 _I know I won't see you around anymore_

 _But you will feel my love around you,_

 _Love Always and Forever,_

 _Draco A. Malfoy_

As Hermione lowered the piece of parchment now dotted with tear stains, she couldn't help but realize, "He loved me."

Folding said parchment, she tucked it away into the pocket of her jacket and kneeled down in front of the gravestone that she had come to visit in earnest. It read:

* * *

 _In Loving Memory of Draco Abraxas Malfoy_

 _June 5, 1980 - January 14, 2001_

 _Son, Companion, and Loving Friend_

 _Requiescat in Pace_

* * *

Hermione drew out her wand, tears furiously dripping down the length of her cold, reddened cheeks, and conjured a wreath of beautiful white and red roses. She ran the tips of her fingers along the epitaph and sniffled, nose clogged with snot and blocked by the cold, biting air of this miserably snowy, December night. She gripped the necklace which lay on her collar bones, secure around her neck, and closed her eyes.

"H-Happy Christmas, Draco. I love you,"

And as she made her way towards the gate of the cemetery, she glanced back towards the tomb, its pale, white marble sheath covered beautifully by the shimmering snow. And for a split second she could swear that she saw the lingering ghost of Malfoy smirking at her. She smiled, tears continuing to fall, and pushed herself out through the gate.

 _I'll see you soon._

* * *

 **Yup. Hope you liked this sad little oneshot. It's nearly Christmas, so why not? ahahahahah...yeah, nearly there (she said doubt**

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 **BTW,** ** _Requiescat in Pace_** **is Italian for "Rest in Peace," and if you play(ed) Assassin's Creed you'd know that Ezio says that a lot. Anywhoo, once again I hope you enjoyed this and I'll see ya next time :)**

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 _ **Love DracoxHermion3**_


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